Lately my adorable toddler has been testing the boundaries. I knew this time would come since he is about 21 1/2 months old. He loves to pull our dogs tails lately, stand on chairs, climb things that he should not and do all those fun things that he knows he should not do. I have to say that I am not a strict mom. I watch a lot of other moms who are very strict with rules and regulations. But I also want my child to know that there are rules and that he does not run the show.

I have been noticing that he does not listen to me all of the time. Yes I know he is a December Sagittarius Baby and he is all FIRE like his mom and dad but hey this Aries mom is putting her foot down. All the books I have read says to keep a low voice and talk to your kid and explain that the behavior is not working but that is not working here. I have a spirited and energetic kid who is like me…very strong willed. So I have started to change the tone in my voice when I am telling him that he should not do something but I feel guilty. I also put him in a time out the other day for pulling Esther’s tail after I said NO. I know this must be a common feeling for some women. See we had no rules. We did whatever and I always got my way. And I don’t want that for Max or for us as parents.

Since we had no rules I always felt nervous as a child and that anxiety carried with me into adulthood. I want to do my best to not give that to my children. No matter what we will do our best as parents and our kids will turn out how they turn out.

Do you ever feel guilt when you discipline your child and how do you discipline?

Yes it is true. I am sick and no way to spend the jewish new year. I am not sure how I got sick. Max is not sick and I do not know anybody that is sick. In the back of my mind is this little stupid deer tick that bit me 3 weeks ago. I did not post about it because I was hoping that it would be nothing. The first round of test confirmed no Lymes Disease but then I got sick and now I am worrying again. I go for the second round this friday and will probably get results next week. Being pregnant and getting bit by a deer tick is no joke. So maybe this is why I am sick or maybe it is just the change of seasons screwing with me.

I have not been sleeping lately. No worries or anything like that..I am just not sleeping. I think my body got run down and then I got a cold. It is also a tough time of year for me. I have spoken before of my alcoholic father rabbi, who is not in my life at all by his choice, and so during the jewish new year, I kind of get really emotional and strung out. My Dad is just one of those dada that cannot show up for his life or at least his past life-who knows what he is like with his current wife and adopted son. But I am sure he is still an alcoholic and that part makes not seeing him for all of these years ok with me. Still hurts but ok with me.

I always get sick around this time of year. Like I said, could it be the tick, the change of seasons or just my heart feeling sad? In chinese medicine, problems with the lung means grief and so it is no surprise that I am having some lung problems.

As for being sick, it is so hard to take care of a toddler during these times. I have tried to nap but my body just does not know how. I cannot just shut off. I wish I could just get some rest. Hopefully a trip to the acupuncturist and chinese herbalist will help because running on 5 hours of sleep each night is not working for me or this baby.

To top it all off, my mother just has a tough time showing up in her own way. She may be totally available one day and then gone the next. I guess it makes sense why I am such a “DO IT ON MY OWN PERSON”. Anyway, I guess the bottom line is that the unavailable mother/father drama will end with Max. Neither my husband nor myself will be my mother or father. A mother that could never protect her kids and a father that could never show up. In the light of New Year, that is the gratitude that I have.